I wonder:
Why can't i live my life out there? I could. In fact, id be much happier at the moment. Hiking, living outside. Enjoying company of friends and people. But how long could I support that? How long can you stay happy like that before expenses set in. We just don't have a society that allows you to be a bum, atleast for most of us. And how long can you be happy without knowing what the next day will bring. Sure it seems absolutely wonderful now, but in time, won't i just fall right back into the groove i was before I started this whole journey? Dreading that the next day I wake might not bring me any more happiness than the last, a monotonous unchanging boring life void of surprises. I need change, i need new spirits, I need experiences, stories, travels, wisdoms, friendships, purpose. Why does this seem so foreign to me now? Maybe I'm just so deep in the process of finding happiness that I forgot that I was on the right path. Maybe I just need to hear someone tell me I'm doing the right thing. Someone might tell you: do what your heart tells you, do what makes you happy. But your heart is short sighted, your heart can not perceive your happiness years ahead of you. Well, this is what medical school is. It's a lengthy journey, years long, on the road to happiness. And along the way, if your heart tells you that you're not happy. Should you ignore it then? Or listen.
SGU, probably moreso than other schools gives you some good times to be happy about. But not all the time. Studying doesn't give you that luxury all the time.
And so we all quest for an income, something to support ourselves and the loved ones around us with a happy and comfortable lifestyle. Something with purpose, with dignity, with responsibility. Something that can change the world. I just wish I was capable of seeing past the now, and experience the happiness that I wish one day fills my days. I suppose I have to earn it first.
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